This is a response to Francis Weller’s letter to “friends” he recently sent out to a select group of people.1 This statement was woven together by three women significantly harmed by Francis.
I became aware of Francis’s letter on September 23, 2026. In it, he makes factually inaccurate claims about the women he harmed and his abuses of power. He also names me five times and attempts to discredit me and the other women he’s harmed.
With explicit permission from the two anonymous women referenced below—B and G—I’d like to offer what I now know in order to clarify the record and illustrate the egregious patterns of abuses of power and harm that Francis has enacted and continues to deny.
I want to begin with a general accounting of what I know from reading emails (mine and others that were shared with me), hearing emails read aloud, and my own experiences, Carmen Wilde’s public statements, and the first-hand accounts of B and G. In assembling this record, B, G, and I have made every effort to represent these events accurately and in good faith; as with any reconstruction of events over time, there may be minor differences in recollections but these do not alter the substance of what is described here.
Note: G has written a separate statement sharing her individual experience which will be published on this Substack soon after this statement.
2012-2013 with B and G
B co-taught grief rituals with Francis Weller for many years. She developed the grief writing practice that Francis adapted and incorporated into his work, and which has since become widely used. In 2012, B and Francis offered a one-year program together called The Artful Life.
G was in one-on-one, biweekly, paid mentoring sessions with Francis starting in 2009 and ending in 2013. The material in those sessions was incredibly intimate and therapeutic in nature, and Francis was licensed as a therapist at the time. Throughout these years, G also participated in numerous rituals, including grief rituals, facilitated by Francis.
As well, G was a student in The Artful Life program held by Francis and B in 2012, and participated in a smaller, more intensive, auxiliary group of apprentices. The program itself involved a great deal of soul-baring and vulnerability. Francis and B jointly mentored G toward becoming a grief ritual leader from early 2010 through 2012 when The Artful Life ended. Toward the end of The Artful Life program, G confided in B that she was having feelings for Francis. One of the specific things G said to B was that she didn’t “want to be a fucking cliche” and get involved with him.
In 2013, Francis facilitated a grief ritual, G and another colleague served as apprentice co-facilitators. Directly after that grief ritual Francis and G were sexually intimate. Francis told G not to tell anyone and repeatedly assured her that it could be handled between them privately. Francis was especially adamant that G not tell B.
In the weeks and months following the sexual encounter, G’s biweekly, paid mentorship sessions suddenly and without an explicit conversation changed. She no longer paid money in exchange for the conversations and Francis referred to the process as a “rough initiation” they were in together. Francis began sharing more intimate information about his life. He continued to instruct G not to tell anyone.
2016-2017 with G and B
In December 2016, G began to confide in B about what had happened with Francis in 2013. G shared that she was in extreme distress due to the entire incident and the years of secrecy, which had created a re-enactment of her childhood trauma.
G eventually showed B the emails she’d received from a secret hotmail account set up by Francis. In these email exchanges, Francis confirmed the sexual encounter, shared incredibly intimate information about his inner processes, and stated that he was wounded by their sexual encounter. Meanwhile, G wrote to him from increasing need, asking for help and for permission to get outside support. Francis continued to reassure her that outside help wouldn’t be necessary.
In 2017, G and B worked together to determine how to proceed. In early 2017, B called Francis and told him he needed to disclose the affair to his wife. Shortly after, Francis said that he had done so, B contacted his wife directly to confirm, and she confirmed that he had told her.
After this, Francis would not respond to calls, emails, or letters from either G or B. Together, they considered traveling to California to speak to Francis following a March 2017 grief ritual they knew was scheduled. They never intended to disrupt the grief ritual. They ended up canceling the trip, feeling their effort would be unsuccessful. However, Francis had received false information about their plans and his attorney subsequently sent B a no-contact and no-trespass letter.
B met with a local men’s clan which had been formed through the Men of Spirit program Francis led. She read aloud the emails Francis had sent to G. Following this, neither B nor G received a significant response from any man who was there. B also spoke to other close associates and faculty members. Nothing came from that. There was no supervisor, organization, or group that could or would help hold Francis accountable.
With G’s permission, B hired a lawyer and sent a formal complaint to Francis’s licensing board. She appended copies of the secret emails between Francis and G. Within a year of sending the complaint, Francis became a full-time mentor and no longer offered therapy.
Due to all of this, B lost much of her teaching community. Only one student from their shared offerings stayed in contact with her. B reached out to Francis repeatedly over the years, asking him to stay connected and to be accountable for his actions. Francis has never answered.
2016-2017 with Carmen Wilde
Carmen Wilde worked with Francis as mentor in 2015-2016 for several months. She participated in a three-day grief ritual in April 2016 at Mercy Center in Burlingame, California. In the days directly following that ritual, Carmen and Francis met up in-person.
We respect Carmen’s process and story and we do not want to speak for her. As such, here is a portion of Carmen’s account quoted directly from her public statement on facebook (originally posted in April 2025, edited and updated in September 2026 with information about the 2013 affair with G):
“I had an intimate relationship with my mentor and teacher Francis Weller.
In our time together, Francis & I were intimate in all the ways two people can be – spiritually, emotionally, intellectually and sexually. Love was professed. Promises were made. Though we lived in different countries we moved through the world as each other’s partners in every way for nearly a year until another secret he was holding (regarding an additional affair he had had with a client and mentee) created turbulence in his marriage and he abruptly ended things with me.
Francis asked me to keep this secret so that it would not disrupt his marriage, family, village and work despite my endless attempts to explain the negative impacts it was having on my life.
The cost of agreeing to that secrecy was staggering. Immense. Deadly.
It harmed and diminished every aspect and corner of my life. Nothing was left untouched by it – my work, mothering, money, productivity, creativity, relationships, health, vitality.”
Francis ended his relationship with Carmen in early 2017 after B told him he needed to disclose his affair involving G to his wife. In March 2021 Carmen contacted me and disclosed the affair.
It is deeply important to us that Carmen’s experience is continually included. Recently, she published an essay titled The Last Thing I Will Say About Francis Weller. We recommend you read it.
2021 with Holly Truhlar
I began mentoring with Francis in 2016. Beginning that year, I attended numerous in-person grief rituals facilitated by Francis, including the April 2016 grief ritual at Mercy Center, which Carmen also attended as a participant. From 2016 through 2020, I received weekly mentorship from Francis, sharing some of my most vulnerable moments of loss and grief with him, including my sister’s death in 2019.
In March 2021, Francis and I began co-facilitating an online teaching community called Soulful Life. At the end of March 2021, Carmen contacted me about the affair and abuse of power between her and Francis. Carmen and I communicated many times about what had happened and how we could navigate the situation. I encouraged Carmen to share her story, if she wanted to, privately and/or publicly in whatever ways felt right for her.
At the time, I was not told why their affair had ended and was given a general accounting of their relationship without intimate details. In addition, I was not aware of any of the prior abuses of power involving Francis and women he had worked with. I asked Francis explicitly whether there were any other instances of sexual or relational harm involving women he had worked with, making clear that I would not even consider continuing to work with him if there were. Francis said there were not. At the time, I trusted him.
Though Francis initially asked me not to tell anyone, I told him I was going to, and sought counsel from many colleagues about the affair with Carmen and Francis’s abuse of power. Even with that support, I felt fairly isolated, which was compounded by him pleading with me not to tell specific people we were working closely with. Many of the people whom I did tell responded that it was not good but also not a big deal. This is a part of a collective pattern of minimizing harm that we’re tracking here. As was also the case with B and G, there was no group, organization, or supervisor to report him to or get support from.
When I brought up the possibility of an accountability process, Carmen encouraged me to move forward with it, though she eventually decided not to participate.
I didn’t have a map for this, so I looked for people with more experience who could help me make one. I called on all my known connections and found an available experienced conflict and repair facilitator and two witnesses to put together a process. From July 2021 to November 2021, Francis participated in the process. One of our requirements was that he disclose the abuse of power and harm to several people in his life, including his wife (which he later confirmed he had done).
During that process, Francis was again asked directly, multiple times, from multiple people, whether there were other women or other instances of harm that could come forward. He clearly said there were not.
As the accountability process was coming to a close in late October, Carmen reached out to me and said she felt things had been left unfinished. I responded, offering care and support, and my willingness to participate in any future accountability or witnessing process if she should ever desire. She responded that Francis had “snuck under the radar.” That was our last communication in 2021.
In 2023, I learned that Carmen felt harmed by the accountability process taking place. It’s important to me to recognize that, despite my efforts to support Carmen, I fell short of what she needed from me.
2025 - Present Day
On April 23, 2025, Carmen Wilde posted publicly about her relationship with Francis. Following that disclosure, Carmen and B connected and communicated about some of their respective experiences in regards to Francis.
On August 29, 2026, Carmen sent an email to Francis and bcc’d several other people, including me. In that email, Carmen referred not only to her own relationship with Francis, but also to information about the abuse of power and harm with other women he had worked with.
Within days, I contacted both Carmen and Francis. I asked Carmen for permission to use her name and/or point people to her public disclosure regarding Francis. I received direct, explicit permission to use her name and direct people toward her facebook post.
I told Francis I would be publicly disclosing the repeated abuses of power and harm. In his responses, Francis confirmed, for the first time with me, that there had been a second sexual encounter with another woman he had mentored. At the same time, he still minimized the nature and extent of his relationship with G.
On September 10, 2026, I published an essay disclosing what I knew at the time about Francis’s abuses of power and harm. On September 23, 2026, I saw a copy of the above referenced letter that Francis sent to a private group of people. That same day, B reached out to me and disclosed some of B and G’s experiences. B, G, and I have since talked and spent many hours creating a cohesive timeline together.
Of course, there is more information we could share but what feels most important is to make clear that these are not isolated instances. They form a pattern of serious abuses of power and dishonesty. Across our different experiences, there is a pattern of Francis taking advantage of the vulnerability and trust cultivated through his positions of mentorship and ritual authority. There is also a pattern of isolating, silencing, and discrediting women he has worked with and harmed. These patterns currently continue, as illustrated in the recent letter he wrote to “friends” and sent out.
His actions have harmed each of the women referenced here, including me, in devastating ways, with impacts that ripple outward into our families, communities, and the larger grief-world.
Moving Toward Real Accountability
Accountability requires telling the truth about what happened. At minimum, if Francis is to be accountable, he must stop misrepresenting the experiences of the women involved. He must stop discrediting, isolating, and attempting to control the narratives of the women he has harmed. He must also fully acknowledge the extent and pattern of his actions. He must recognize that harm does not exist only in the moment when sexual or relational boundaries are crossed. Harm continues through concealment, dishonesty, minimization, and discrediting the people he has impacted.
I do not believe accountability requires Francis’s disposability. I do believe it requires meaningful consequences, sustained engagement with the harm he has caused, and a willingness to relinquish control over how the history of this and his legacy is understood. People harmed by someone are not obligated to protect that person’s reputation, livelihood, relationships, or legacy from the consequences of the truth.
Please do not harass, target, or violate any of the women involved in these events. Each of us occupied different positions, had access to different information, and made choices based on what we knew and had experienced at the time. None of us had the full picture or adequate support. All of us were harmed.
Accountability that recreates scapegoating, harassment, or disposability is not the accountability that we are interested in. We will not be pitted against other women, we have deep respect for each of the women impacted by Francis’s abuses of power.
The primary responsibility for these abuses of power and ongoing harm belongs to Francis. He held significant professional, therapeutic, mentoring, and ritual authority in all of these relationships. He was also the one person who knew the full history while each of the women involved, including myself, had to make consequential decisions without access to it.
Requests and Moving Forward
I hope that people who have been harmfully impacted by Francis have the time and space to determine for themselves what they need, without pressure toward silence, forgiveness, reconciliation, additional disclosure, or any particular form of participation. I hope we each get to tell our stories on our own terms, as B, G, and I are beginning to do here, and Carmen is doing on her Substack.
B, G, and I are asking organizations and people who continue to platform or materially benefit from Francis’s work to provide enough information about his history of abuse of power and harm for people to make informed choices about how they engage with him and his work. This includes publishers, educators, and people who have hosted public conversations or interviews with him. We are not asking that Francis or his work disappear, though some people may choose to stop platforming or engaging with his work all together. We are asking that this history and his patterns of abuse of power do not disappear.
After publishing this statement, I will be in my own ongoing process regarding the many aspects and layers of this. Likely, each of the women referenced here will have their own process as well. I ask that our privacy and choices about how we engage from here are respected. Please do not try to identify or contact the women who have chosen to remain anonymous.
In publishing this statement and G’s forthcoming statement, I am closing my efforts to inform or engage around events or harms surrounding Francis. Moving forward, I want to be at choice with how I am involved in this, if at all. My heart is with everyone impacted by this. Thank you for reading this response. Comments will be closed.
*B, G, and Holly confirmed their agreement for this statement to be published on September 29, 2026.
This is the letter Francis Weller wrote and sent to some of his students and community. I became aware of this letter on September 23, 2026.
”Dear friends,
If you have seen the piece Holly Truhlar wrote and shared on her Substack about me, you are likely carrying questions, confusion, anger, hurt, or all of these at once, and rightly so. It has taken me a moment to find my ground, and I am coming to you now with the most honest, adult presence I can offer.
What feels most important in this moment is to own what is mine, and to clarify what is and is not accurate in what has been posted, so that you can come to your own conclusions about how you will relate to me and my work from here forward. I am going to be factual and straightforward. Much of what I am sharing is highly personal and private – and shared with deep discernment. I realize it is important that I speak to what did and did not occur.
Twice in the 43 years of my professional work, I crossed a boundary I should have held.
Once in 2013, with a woman who had hosted and co-facilitated a grief ritual alongside me, a peer, and a former mentee whose mentorship with me had ended a year and a half earlier. Once in 2016, with a woman whose mentorship with me had ended many months earlier. With each of these women there was one single sexual encounter. Neither was ongoing, and neither was repeated. Neither woman was a grief ritual participant. Both were consenting adults.
And I have come to understand that it is more complex than acceptable timing. When someone has opened their inner life to me in mentorship, something of that role remains alive after the formal work ends, and I was the one who carried the responsibility to know that and to hold the boundary. I did not hold it, much to my regret.
These encounters caused pain I cannot take back. Pain to the women involved, to my wife, who has known of these events for years, and now, in this public callout, to many of you. For the harm I caused, I am sincerely sorry.
It is important that I offer you clarity about what is inaccurate in what has been posted. It is not true that I used the work, the rituals, or my role to pursue or prey upon anyone.Neither encounter occurred inside a relationship of mentorship or grief ritual participant; those had ended well before. In 2013, the relationship we did have was that of peers and colleagues, co-leading together. These were not predation. And still the end of the mentorship did not end my responsibility. As I said above, something of the mentor role was still mine to hold, and I did not hold it. These two breaches are the entirety of it. There is no one else.
An attorney’s letter did exist. It was sent to an associate of one of the women after we were informed of a plan to disrupt a grief ritual weekend, and its purpose was to protect the participants gathering for that ritual, it had no language or intent to silence anyone.
In 2021, when one of the women brought her experience to Holly, Holly asked me to participate in a facilitated accountability process. I participated fully. It was difficult and honest work, and afterward, Holly chose to continue working with me.
I am writing this to you so you can hear directly from me what did and did not happen. Holly’s post mixes real events with statements that are incorrect, and I have addressed both above. I will not spend more time on her in this letter; my focus is on you and on the work.
Many of you have shared that you are receiving questions about the post. I hope this letter gives you a way to respond from a place of integrity and potency. What I am doing now is simple and unglamorous. I am consulting with people inside and outside my own circle who can help me stay with my inner work. I am continuing the long, good work with my wife that began years before any of this became public. And I am staying with the inner reckoning this has opened.
Many years ago, at the Mercy Center in Burlingame, and repeatedly in mentoring sessions and in the Entering the Healing Ground trainings, I told you that this work is a giveaway. I meant it then and I mean it now. It was always intended to be taken, blended with your own gifts and perspectives, and offered generously onward. That does not change. If it serves you to separate my name from the work you are doing, you have my blessing without reservation. If you continue to name me in your lineage, you deserve to do so with open eyes, which is part of why I have written this letter. Please keep doing your good work. Please do not stop.
It has been my honor to serve the soul of the world alongside you. Please forgive me for
the harm I have caused.
In humble gratitude,
Francis”